3 Repulsive Things Parents Should Avoid Saying To Kids:
â€œPerhaps it takes courage to raise children.â€ John Steinbeck
Want to be a good parent? Determined to do so by any means? Then watch your words and steps you take; either these are in your kids favor or can lead them to revolt. You cannot reverse child psychology to see the things in your way. All you can do is adjust yourself with your toddler but when turning to teenage, you should start drawing clear lines in the sand and tell them about their limits and responsibilities. Likewise, you need to be more careful with your words and actions. Kids learn from whatever their parents do. Be Alert!
Cultivate Positivity in Your Kids:
You need to cultivate positive attitude in your kids for their bright future. This is not an easy task especially when you have to deal with a teenager. But you have to take imperative measures in this regard. Here you need to be more vigilant about what you say to your child. One of my friends often grumbles that her children do not listen to whatever she says. I suggested her to align her life and wipe out certain phrases from her vocabulary.
We spend the first 12 months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next 12 months teaching them to sit down and shut up. Phyllis Diller
I still remember when my six year old daughter fell ill of fever just because I scold her on disturbing me again and again. What all she wanted just few minutes from my busy schedule to check out her drawing she was doing for a competition. At that time I was like â€˜Oh God, what a bad mother I am and this feeling was the worst ever in my entire lifespan. I did too wrong but I realized my fault and then decided to watch my actions not to be scuffled with my kids personality.
From my motherhood experience, I have distilled following things parents should not say to their kids. All these things could bring about negative impact on their personalities. From physical to mental health of your kid all can get disturbed easily. Nothing can excuse your behavior.
1. Donâ€™t Bother Me!
Donâ€™t erupt like volcano when your child wants your attention. Whatever you are doing, leave it and respond to him immediately. Never ever say â€˜donâ€™t bother meâ€™ because he will not listen to you. He is a kid who always needs your responsiveness by any means and if you will not react the way they need it will have consequences.
Always keep in mind; â€œChildren have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.â€ James Baldwin
Well if you are preoccupied with something important then set the parameters earlier. This is what I always preferred to do and that is to make him busy in his favorite hobby like painting. But try to finish up your work soon because kids normally donâ€™t like to amuse themselves for long.
2. Donâ€™t Over Praise or Under Praise
Itâ€™s good to praise kids for their true achievements. But keep it in fair balance, over praising or not praising at all can turn children into narcissists.
â€œConstant and perhaps undue praise for our kidsâ€™ tiniest accomplishments, or non-accomplishments, may have the unintended side-effect of creating an over-inflated ego. And this can have serious consequences both in childhood and later on in life.â€ (Recent study from the Ohio University published in â€˜Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciencesâ€™)
â€˜Wow you did Great Job Son!â€™, â€˜Good Girl! No one can beat you everâ€™ or â€˜you are so hopelessâ€™ and lot more like this. These extreme attitudes of parents will bring negative vibes in their kidsâ€™ life and parents may not be aware of the consequences. Your child could be a complete narcissist.
â€œNarcissism in children would have a stronger correlation with parents undervaluing their children or failing to give praise when it is due.â€ (Peter Fonagy, a psychoanalyst at University College London). This is something really needed to be studied and measured.
Tune your kids with positively reinforcement and admire them duly for the accomplishments they put real efforts in.
â€œMost things are good, and they are the strongest things; but there areÂ evilÂ things too, and you are not doing a child a favor by trying to shield him from reality.â€ Walt Disney
3. Why Can’t You Be More Like Your Siblings?
Do you have a â€˜problem kidâ€™? Tackle him watchfully or else you will regret for the rest of your life. It apparently seems good to hold out a friend or sibling as shining example for such a child. But every kid needs his own space to grow and develop. Everyone is born with different attitudes, personalities and temperaments. So, it is better not to fit your children in a single shoe of same size and style.
Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them.â€ Bill Ayers
Be a friendly and supportive mentor and talk to your kids in a way that they actually start listening and understanding you.